Divorce and Family Law Associate Solicitor Emily Sherwood covers some key points that you may want to consider when thinking about arrangements for your family over the holiday period.
Making Christmas special for separated families
Any parent will understand that sharing special occasions can be difficult. Understandably, no one wants to miss out on important moments with their children, particularly at Christmas.
However, making Christmas special for children does not have to mean spending the entire festive period together. In some situations, that may not be practical, suitable or even in the children’s best interests.
What matters most is ensuring children feel loved, secure and able to enjoy the celebrations without feeling caught between their parents.
There is no legal rule dictating where a child should spend Christmas. But the overriding consideration in any arrangements concerning children is their welfare and what’s in their best interests. So parents are encouraged to work together to reach arrangements that place their children’s needs above all else.
Whatever arrangements are agreed, children should be reassured that they will spend meaningful time with the people who love and care for them. When parents work together and avoid placing children in the middle of disputes, children are far more likely to feel settled and enjoy the festive period.
Planning ahead is essential
Parents should try to agree on Christmas arrangements well in advance, including where the children will spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. The arrangements may also cover the New Year.
It’s often helpful to confirm agreed arrangements in writing, whether by email, text message or through a parenting app. Having a clear record can reduce misunderstandings and avoid disagreements closer to Christmas.
A fair and practical arrangement can help avoid last-minute stress and misunderstandings. It will give everyone certainty and allow plans to be made well in advance.
Starting these conversations early can give both parents and children peace of mind heading into the festive season.
Arrangements do not always need to involve splitting Christmas Day itself. Some families alternate Christmas Day each year, whilst others agree that one parent spends Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with the children and the other has Christmas afternoon and Boxing Day. What works best will depend on the children’s ages, family traditions and practical considerations such as travel.
Consider your children’s wishes and feelings
It’s important to listen to children’s wishes and feelings, considering their age and understanding without placing the responsibility of making any adult decisions on their shoulders. It should never be the case that children are made to feel that they are choosing between either parent.
In my experience from working with many separated families, children cope best when they know what to expect. Uncertainty can create anxiety, whereas clear plans made well in advance can help children feel secure and able to enjoy the festive period.
Flexibility may be needed
Arrangements that work one year may not work the next. Routine and schedule are important, but children’s needs, family circumstances and festive plans can change over time.
Whilst it’s not easy to change arrangements, it’s crucial to ensure all discussions remain child focused. This may mean adapting arrangements so a child can attend a special event, activity or family gathering. If so, you may wish to consider swapping some time or changing the plans.
I regularly see parents worry that agreeing to a change in arrangements will set a precedent for future years. In reality, a degree of flexibility is often what allows arrangements to work successfully, particularly as children’s needs and family circumstances change over time.
Managing expectations
Christmas can bring pressure from extended family members who may also wish to spend time with the children. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives are often an important part of celebrations. Even so, parents should ensure that decisions remain focused on what’s best for the children, rather than the expectations of adults.
Don’t be afraid to seek support
Not every family finds it easy to agree arrangements, particularly where communication has broken down or there is a history of conflict. In these circumstances, mediation can provide a safe and constructive environment for parents to discuss arrangements and explore practical solutions.
Seeking support early can often prevent disagreements from escalating and help parents reach an agreement that focuses on the children’s welfare and best interests.
One of the most common concerns I hear from parents is that they will miss out on important moments with their children during Christmas. Whilst those feelings are entirely understandable, children generally benefit most when parents focus on making the festive period positive and enjoyable, rather than becoming caught up in conflict over arrangements.
Our Family Law team understands that every family is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to Christmas arrangements. Family traditions, wider family commitments and, most importantly, the needs of the children should all be considered.
We regularly advise parents on arrangements concerning children. If you require advice or don’t know where to start, contact us on 03456 465 465 or email enquiries@rotherabray.co.uk
